


The New Attraction

by Hours_Gone_By



Series: Secret Solenoid Fills [3]
Category: The Transformers (Cartoon Generation One), Transformers (IDW Generation 1), Transformers – All Media Types
Genre: Christmas Carols, Christmas Party, Earth Traditions, FIM Chip, Intoxication, Kissing, M/M, Mistletoe, Secret Solenoid, Secret Solenoid 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:40:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28475562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hours_Gone_By/pseuds/Hours_Gone_By
Summary: Human traditions imported to Cybertron. Starscream should make a law. He's the ruler of Cybertron, now. He can do that.Well, maybe one of them isn't so bad.
Relationships: Starscream/Wheeljack
Series: Secret Solenoid Fills [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588633
Comments: 12
Kudos: 32
Collections: Secret Solenoid '20-'21





	The New Attraction

**Author's Note:**

  * For [madswithhands](https://archiveofourown.org/users/madswithhands/gifts).



> Written for madswithhands for the 2020 Secret Solenoid exchange. Prompt: At Blurr's Christmas Party, Ironhide and Windblade try to get Wheeljack and Starscream under the mistletoe. Either Starscream or Wheeljack say 'Shut up and kiss me already.'

Starscream scowled up at the garishly cheerful and glittery decorations that Blurr had strung up all around the perfectly functional walls of the bar. Bad enough Starscream had had to spend time on Earth, but he couldn't even get away from human influence on his own planet. His own planet, _which he ruled_.

He should make a law. He really should.

Four joors later, slightly tipsy and sick to his thrusters of 'Christmas carols' – he would make a _specific law_ banning the abomination of 'Santa Baby,' see if he didn't – he confided his dislike and his intent to Wheeljack.

"I'm going to make a law," he told the scientist. "I am. I'm going to make a law."

"Uh-huh," Wheeljack said absently, observing the room with his own drink in hand, something coloured an optic-searing blue that fizzed alarmingly. "What are you going to make a law about?"

"This!" Starscream declaimed, gesturing broadly with the hand holding his drink. "This…Christmas. There'll be a law. That I'll make. All this – Earth. It's got to be stopped."

Wheeljack, ever tactile, patted him on the arm. "You do that. In fact," he continued and steered Starscream over to a booth, "why don't you sit here and start setting them out? You should probably turn on your FIM chip first, though. You know, so you can think your new laws out clearly."

"Bah." Starscream waved him off. "I'll be fine. The first thing will be _tinsel_."

Wheeljack patted him on the shoulder and wandered off, leaving Starscream to take out his tablet and start making notes.

* * *

"What's ol' Screamer going on about over there, Wheeljack?" Ironhide asked, his drawl amused. "Looks like he's been hitting the engex a little too hard."

"Seems like he's not a fan of Christmas," Wheeljack said. "Or maybe just Earth in general. He said something about making laws."

Windblade was lounging against the bar a short distance away, a red, white, and green striped concoction in one hand. Wheeljack wondered what the chemical composition of it actually was since the fuels he would have guessed it was made of shouldn't float on each other like that.

"Laws?" she asked. "What kind of laws?"

"Something about tinsel?" Wheeljack shrugged. "We didn't get too far into it. He'll be fine once he gets it out of his system."

"The laws or the high-grade?" Windblade inquired.

"Both, I think."

"What's he got against it?" Ironhide wanted to know. "I mean, I'm not sure I get the music, but the rest of it's pretty nice."

Wheeljack shrugged. "I'm not sure. It didn't seem like a good time to ask. I suggested activating his FIM chip, so maybe when he sobers up, we can ask."

Windblade considered her drink and then took a sip before pushing off the bar. "I'm going to go see what he's come up with."

Based on Starscream's reaction a few kliks later, he had his FIM chip engaged now. Wheeljack sighed and got another drink.

Windblade came back a few kliks later for another drink of her own, followed by Starscream's tablet sailing through the air where she had been standing.

"You get him turned around on the Christmas thing?" Ironhide asked in the amused tone of someone who already knew the answer.

"No such luck," Windblade sighed and slid her glass down the bar top to Blurr to indicate she wanted a refill. "I think he's doubled down on the laws thing." She caught the refill that came sliding back and raised it toward Blurr with a nod of acknowledgement. "Hey, you two spent time on Earth. Tell me more about these rituals. There's got to be something in them even Starscream can enjoy."

"Dunno too much about it," Ironhide drawled. "We were kinda busy the whole time we were there. Picked up a few things, though, hard not to 'cause they splash it around all over the place in the last quarter of the year. Shiny things, songs, putting up lots of lights on your house – though they did that for other stuff too. I think I remember something about going from house to house singing for candy?"

"I think you're getting a couple of them confused," Wheeljack said. "But there was something like that. Let me think…"

They wound up talking out the various Earth traditions, looking for something that might apply. Santa Claus caused some confusion since Windblade knew humans didn't have technology that would permit the travel described, and she wasn't clear on _why_ such an entity would bring juveniles gifts. She was rather impressed with his supposed surveillance technology, and Wheeljack felt a little bad explaining Santa wasn't real. Windblade seemed relieved: apparently, she'd had some concerns about the elves' status and whether their rights were being respected or not.

The conversation got briefly derailed when both Windblade and Ironhide became fascinated by the idea of vehicles that used animals as a source of locomotion, rather than an internal engine. Wheeljack didn't have much information on that since humans used combustion engines now, so he brought the conversation back on topic.

"I can see why a celebration based around giving wouldn't be Starscream's thing," Windblade observed. "But there's got to be something. Humans have these Christmas parties too, right? Is there anything special about those? I mean besides high-grade, or whatever humans have instead."

"Ethanol," Wheeljack said absently, sorting through his files on human customs.

Starscream had mentioned tinsel specifically when he was talking about the laws, so decorations were probably out. Fuel seemed to be important to their Christmas celebrations, but fuel and intoxicants were more similar for Cybertronians than they were for organics. Starscream definitely didn't mind the fuel part of it. There seemed to be some kind of tube that, when pulled, emitted a loud noise before dispensing a small item. Loud noises amongst a group of mecha trained to online weaponry on registering a disturbance seemed like a bad idea, though. They were trying to establish a peaceful society here. Weapons being brought out during a party would definitely damage the work they'd done so far. Wheeljack had no idea how he'd create a substitute for egg nog, although, with enough time, he might be able to create a semi-gelled energon that…

"Wait, I remember something," Ironhide said suddenly. "There was this plant they'd hang up, and if two people walk under it at the same time, they'd have to kiss."

Windblade frowned. "Why?"

"Dunno. Probably goes back to all the booze that goes around at these things. Tryin' to remember what it looked like….all green with white things, I think. Maybe green with red."

Wheeljack did a quick search of his datatrax cross-referencing 'Christmas,' 'plants,' and 'physical intimacy.'

"Mistletoe?" he asked.

Ironhide snapped his fingers. "That's the one. Don't suppose we got any of that lying around?"

They didn't have an actual mistletoe plant, but Wheeljack guessed there was probably a replica somewhere. He was right; they located one in a box of unused decorations – left out probably because they weren't as shiny as everything else – in the storeroom. Windblade slipped the tip of her smallest finger through the loop of brassy string attached to the plastic bundle of leaves and berries.

"Okay, we've found some," she said uncertainly. "Uh, where should we put it that we can be sure Starscream will walk under?"

"On the way to the bar?" Ironhide suggested. "I mean, everyone's gonna go to the bar at some point."

That seemed like the best option, and Wheeljack certainly wouldn't mind another trip to the bar himself, and soon the plastic effigy was affixed just above and in front of the bar. Although Starscream still seemed to be working on his tablet and ignored it, this activity didn't go unnoticed – and quite a few mecha took to the 'new' tradition.

"Well, that seems to be going well," Windblade said with satisfaction. She was staying clear of the mistle-zone, but Ironhide seemed to be enjoying getting 'caught.' "Now, how do we get Starscream to walk under it, and who'd want to kiss him?"

"Hey, he's not _that_ bad," Wheeljack protested without thinking. Windblade raised an optic ridge at him, and he scrambled to recover. "I mean, you don't have to like him to admit that he's good-looking and – "

"I think we found our candidate," Ironhide said, trying and failing to hide his grin behind his glass.

"I – what – why are we even doing this again?"

"To cheer Starscream up!" Windblade said brightly. "Or at least make him less grumpy about Christmas because, y'know, this is pretty fun, and I don't want him to outlaw it if he sobers up and still thinks it's a good idea."

"Okay, and if we all engage our FIM chips, is this still a good idea?"

They did, all three of them sober now. Windblade and Ironhide exchanged looks, and Windblade was visibly fighting back a grin.

"Yup," she said cheerfully. "I'm still good. You, 'Hide?"

"Yup, sure am. So." Ironhide clapped a hand on Wheeljack's shoulder. "You need any pointers?"

Wheeljack did make a few more token protests, but – but he'd seen Starscream sitting alone in a booth on the other side of the bar. From what he knew of the human celebration, it wasn't right for someone to be alone at Christmas.

"I can at least try to get him to mingle a bit, I suppose," Wheeljack said slowly. "I should probably check in on him, anyway. He was kinda worked up there when I left."

"Try getting him to come and get another drink," Windblade suggested.

"Yeah, sure. I'll give it a shot." Although, as Wheeljack headed over to Starscream, he wondered how he would convince a mech who wanted to outlaw Christmas to follow a Christmas tradition.

* * *

Starscream had followed Wheeljack's advice and activated his FIM chip, but he didn't like Christmas any better sober than he had when he was overcharged. It was loud and aggressively cheerful, and while _some_ of the decorations weren't too bad, nice and shiny, others were just strange. He was still writing but had changed from proposed laws to notes and observations. _Something_ had changed over by the bar, mecha gathering in one specific place and occasionally laughing and cheering. He just couldn't quite tell what, since it was on the opposite side from him and there were crowds and decorations between him and the new attraction. He tried to dismiss it as probably unimportant – more 'Christmas' nonsense – but he hadn't been a scientist without reason. Starscream couldn't help being curious. But if he went over there to see, it might be interpreted as wanting to take part in whatever was going on.

Just as he was debating whether it would be worth it, he saw Wheeljack approaching him again, drink in hand. The engineer's optics didn't have the extra glow that being even mildly overcharged gave one, and Starscream guessed he'd either worked off any earlier 'charge or engaged his FIM chip.

"Hey, Starscream," Wheeljack said cheerfully, although Starscream was sure there was a slight…edge to it that he couldn't quite place. "How are the laws going?"

Starscream couldn't quite muster up a glare since Wheeljack was a mech he trusted not to mock him intentionally. He and Wheeljack got along quite well, surprising Starscream with how much he enjoyed the mech's company. Wheeljack would ask about the laws out of genuine interest, probably.

"Just fine," Starscream answered shortly, which didn't seem to bother Wheeljack. The engineer took a seat opposite Starscream in the booth, fiddling with the straw in his drink. "Do I need to include a clause for whatever new nonsense is going on over there?" He frowned. "What is going on over there anyway?"

* * *

Wheeljack hadn't expected Starscream to give him an outright opportunity to explain the mistletoe custom to him. He actually wasn't quite ready to get into it, but it might be hard to bring the conversation back around to it, so Wheeljack just went for it. Starscream's reaction was pretty much what he'd expected.

"What kind of organic nonsense is that?" the Seeker demanded.

"Probably has something to do with fertility rituals?" Wheeljack hazarded. That was honestly usually a pretty good bet for traditions involving humans and flora.

"If you knew anything about human reproduction, you'd wonder why they'd want to encourage it beyond what's necessary to continue the species," Starscream said drily.

"Well, I – wait," Wheeljack interrupted himself. "How do _you_ know anything about human reproduction?"

Starscream gave a derisive snort. "Please. I don't know how you can so much as brush up against any of their media and _not_ learn something about it. They're obsessed with and weirdly prudish about it at the same time."

Wheeljack supposed Starscream wasn't exactly wrong, although that hadn't been the question he'd had in mind, but he decided to let that drop.

"Anyway," he forged on, "besides that, I guess it's just…fun."

Starscream gave him a profoundly skeptical look. "To be forced into intimacy by plant matter is 'fun?'"

"No one's being forced," Wheeljack countered, which was true. Plenty of mecha were 'trapping' their partners under the mistletoe, but it was all playful. No one had said 'no,' and everyone was having fun. "Come see for yourself." Starscream hesitated, or at least didn't move, and Wheeljack suggested, "at least come get another drink?"

Starscream seemed to waver for a moment, then finally subspaced his tablet and stood, saying, "I suppose I should at least verify that everyone is doing this freely and having 'fun,' as you say."

From which Wheeljack guessed Starscream was curious and just didn't want to admit it. He didn't mention this, not wanting to risk the progress he'd made, and just followed Starscream up to the bar. Windblade caught his optic and made an encouraging gesture that Starscream probably wasn't supposed to catch. He did, though, and stopped dead, forcing Wheeljack to stop as well, and several mecha to abruptly detour around them.

"What's going on?" Starscream demanded suspiciously.

Ah, slag. "Starscream," Wheeljack tried but Starscream rounded on him.

"She's trying to get me under that-that _mistletoe_ with someone, isn't she?" Starscream hissed, and his optics narrowed. "Are you part of this?"

"I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to," Wheeljack said immediately.

"Who else was part of this?" Starscream wanted to know. "Who was she trying to get me to – " He broke off and looked around, and Wheeljack took the opportunity to grasp his arm and lead him out of the flow of patrons around the bar.

"Look, Starscream," Wheeljack began patiently. "It was just – the Christmas party is supposed to be fun, and it didn't seem like you were having any. We wanted you to, you know, get involved with the celebration. Be a part of it instead of, well, being apart. I don't like seeing you alone in a crowd like that, okay?"

Starscream was just looking at him with an expression that Wheeljack wasn't sure how to read.

"Maybe we should've done it differently," Wheeljack kept going, a little hastily, "but it was – I mean, we were – "

"Somehow, I doubt Windblade was doing this just for my benefit," Starscream said drily. "No matter what she said."

"Well…"

"She probably expected me to refuse. Fine, then," Starscream said decisively. "I'll give her what she wants, _and_ I'll enjoy myself."

"Uh…" Wheeljack didn't get a chance to ask any questions because Starscream wrapped his arm through Wheeljack's and plastered himself to his side before half-walking, half-dragging him toward the bar.

"Isn't this what you wanted, too?" Starscream asked in a low voice. "Me, joining in?"

"Well, yeah," Wheeljack said, trying to ignore the surprisingly distracting feel of Starscream's arm in his. "I want you to enjoy yourself. We did, I mean."

"Well, then show me how to enjoy myself," Starscream purred, and so Wheeljack gave in and got him another drink.

When Starscream decided to engage in something, he did it pretty well, Wheeljack thought, and there wasn't any hint he was really doing it to spite Windblade. Wheeljack actually even started to think he might be genuinely enjoying himself, possibly in part because of the spiting. Starscream didn't leave Wheeljack's side, though, or let go of his arm. He even started leaning companionably against Wheeljack while he nursed his drink and held court. Windblade kept trying to catch Wheeljack's optic, and Ironhide jerked his thumb in the direction of the mistletoe whenever Starscream wasn't looking at him, but Wheeljack was. Wheeljack hadn't _forgotten_ what they'd asked him to do, but, well, it didn't seem necessary to try and coax Starscream into having a good time. Besides, arm-clinging or not, Wheeljack wasn't sure Starscream would be willing to take things that far. Wheeljack still didn't have any idea how he would've talked Starscream into a kiss anyway.

It might have been nice, though.

On that thought, Wheeljack switched his engex out for some flavoured coolant.

Not long after that, Starscream finished the drink Wheeljack had gotten him earlier and straightened up.

"Well, then," Starscream said pleasantly, turning away from the crowd and toward Wheeljack. "You were right, that wasn't so bad. I suppose it is good for the people I rule to see me engaging with them."

Wheeljack was pretty sure Starscream was being genuine and smiled, pleased. "See? Christmas is alright."

"Yes, yes," Starscream waved his hand dismissively. "Fine, I won't make any laws against it, then except for that 'Santa Baby' song. I won't budge on that one. But come along. There was one more thing you wanted to show me."

"What?" Wheeljack had been sure Starscream wouldn't go for the mistletoe thing, but, ah, he seemed to be getting tugged in that direction.

"You wanted to demonstrate this one specific tradition to me," Starscream reminded him, as the crowd parted for them. The interest in the mistletoe had died down once enough people had tried it, so it wasn't like there was a line.

"Okay, yeah, but I didn't think – I mean – " Wheeljack fumbled for words. Starscream had only had the one drink since he'd engaged his FIM chip, so he had to be sober. Wheeljack had been too close to him even for Starscream to sneak another one, let alone enough to get overenergized.

Starscream arched an optic ridge at him. "You don't want to?" He glanced up at the plastic sphere of green leaves and white berries. "I thought we were obligated to by the presence of synthetic flora."

"Starscream," Wheeljack looked around, then leaned in toward him and lowered his voice. "You know this is still voluntary, right? I won't make you do anything you don't want to."

Starscream huffed. "Do you really think I would do this if I didn't want to?"

" _Do_ you want to, though?" Wheeljack countered, still keeping his voice down. Starscream hadn't been this close to him before, and while Wheeljack had known Starscream was an attractive mech, he was getting weirdly distracted by the mech's optics.

Starscream arched an optic ridge at him, and Wheeljack had the feeling they were starting to draw attention. He didn't look away, though.

"Do you _not_ want me to? You dragged me all the way over here for this, didn't you?"

"I didn't _drag_ you," Wheeljack protested.

"That doesn't answer my question."

"You didn't answer mine. Do you want to kiss me? Because if you don't, I mean really don't, then I wouldn't insist" Wheeljack was aware he was rambling but couldn't quite bring himself to stop, "but if you do – it wouldn't have to be _here_ , but – "

He was finally interrupted by Starscream hooking a hand around the back of Wheeljack's neck, an odd little smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Shut up and kiss me already."

"Oh," Wheeljack said, surprised. "Uh – yes."

Starscream shook his head a little and muttered something as he leaned in, but Wheeljack forgot about whatever it was as soon as the Seeker's lips touched his. He was vaguely aware of Windblade cheering and Ironhide congratulating him in the background, but Starscream was warm and close and still kissing him. _Starscream_ was _kissing_ him, and it was something Wheeljack wanted more than he'd realized.

Wheeljack wrapped his arms around the jet and kissed him back. Everything else could wait.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:  
> 
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> Author Responses: This author replies to comments. If you don't want a reply for any reason, feel free to sign your comment with "whisper," and I will appreciate it but not respond.


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